DAY 3 - PART 2
What's the point of being here A whole 12 hours after the doctor was supposed to do his ward round, examine me and put another pessary in and I'm still waiting for him to turn up. I know these places get busy and I know it's not their fault and for the first 10 hrs I was quite forgiving of them because of that. I even felt sorry for them. Now however I'm fuming. I was made to wait 24hrs after the first pessary failed to work even though my consultant had quite clearly said we need to get him out ASAP to ease the pressure. I was annoyed at that but my confidence and patience with the professionals said go with the flow, so I got on with it. I gotv on with bit thinking I'd have the next pessary put in this morning so all was good. I woke up full of confidence, full of positivity and faith that today was a good day and that this pessary would get us somewhere.... I think it would've done if they'd actually put one in!! The midwife said she was the only one on duty for the whole ward as the others were called to help in the delivery suite. I felt really sorry for her she lookedv panicked. I understood that the ward round might be late as the registrar was also down there. So I waited and waited and waited..... Eventually I asked what was going on and they said they didn't know but he'd be up shortly. So I waited and waited and eventually I asked again..... He was up then went back down again and we aren't sure what's happening. I was in agony by this point and was in no mood to argue so went back to my room and cried. Why could the midwife not examine me herself and see if I was far enough gone for my waters to be broken. If not she could put the pessary in with the say so of the doctor by phone. He knew he had no time to come up so instead of making everyone else suffer why couldn't he delicate to the other competent staff who do this regularly anyway? But no they hadc to wait keeping me and many others on the ward in pain or agony waiting. Even the midwives couldn't understand it.
Losing my plug
My plug went just after lunch which excited me as I thought this meant my body wash getting ready naturally and I'd be far enough gone to have my waters broken when next examined..... NOPE false hope. Hours later a new midwife on duty stomped her feet and was able to examine me and others herself on the say so of the doctor. I was no further dilated than on Friday morning at 7.30am meaning the past few days had been wasted and pointless just as I'd suspected. 'we still can't break your waters' were her words and 'we will have to wait for the doc to do another pessary and we don't know when that will be'.
Losing my faith
I broke down in tears. I was screaming in my head. what a waste of time and effort. If he had put the 2nd pessary straight in this wouldn't have been a problem. It even says in my notes to do that but he said no. I was happy to wait on his say so but only on the understanding that one would be put in in the morning.... It was now 8pm. She insisted he was coming straight up after a c section he was doing so would be 40 minutes. I knew it would never happen so why promise it. I've lost all faith in this system now they. Have no idea what they're doing.
My body is ready to give up and despite my best efforts with positive thinking etc today I'm now a complete wreck again. I have knives being stabbed in my chest with every breath I take, every move the baby makes you can add another knife blade and every contraction you may as well be hacking me open from the ribs down. I've smiled through this for months and I've now got to the point my body is saying no more. I don't expect people to understand or even sympathise but I do expect a medical professional to at least read my notes before making decisions about why I'm there. This is not a normal induction and as the anaesthetist said yesterday this is a rare case that could teach them all something new to look out for. It's hard to say what they should do when nothing is written down to help them but maybe listening and doing a little research may be part of your job as a doctor! Just a quick glance at my notes or a quick google search for the registrar would have given him a slight understanding of what was going on but instead he left me to suffer more through pure ignorance to the situation. I may as well have been at home and not started this whole thing at all and got on with the suffering in silence.
A glimmer of hope
Whilst writing this the midwife I've had each night I've been here came to do my obs and give me my codeine. She asked why I was crying and in my cryey voice I explained my frustration and anger. Its almost as if She had gone home and googled Teitze Syndrome so that she understood it enough to treat me. She said from what she understood that I was holding in the pain and that she was going to suggest some things to the doctor. She rung him to ask him to come up at any time in the night and have a word about the next step for me and that she thought that the pressure involved in child birth would be too much for my ribs so c-section was surely the answer. She said she couldn't see them leaving me much longer but tomorrow was a new day and she would fight my corner. I love that she had gone away and done something about it, she was at least trying to understand and for a short time I have stopped crying. I am going to try and sleep now my whole body is exhausted. I sleep in hope that they wake me and tell me what I want to hear.... We will get him out and fix you now.
I've sent Hoff home to get some sleep he didn't want to leave me but I hate crying in front of him and I couldn't stop. He will get a good nights sleep at least and he will feel better for it in the morning. It's been a long few days for him too and feeling useless and unable to help me is a horrible thing to go through. I feel for him. I am praying tomorrow is a better day..... But I doubt it.