24th December: Christmas Eve hurdle over... just New Year to go!!
So I’ve been panicking about people guessing and people questioning the reasons why I’m not myself... i.e. not drinking! You see I like a drink and my friends and family all know this so for me to say ‘Just a cranberry juice please’ is a rare occurrence and screams ‘ALARM BELLS’. But there was no way around it as if I just didn’t go and see them on occasions such as Christmas and New Year they’d be more suspicious, suspicious bunch my friends you see! So I had to deal with it arm myself with an excuse and just deal with the consequences.
So I did just that, only problem was as I walked in the pub somebody placed a bottle in my hand and said Merry Christmas.... I never have to order in my local you see as the bar staff know what I drink so why would today be any different... oh dear... now what I can’t drink a vodka based drink, but I can’t be seen not drinking the vodka based drink... oh for god sake this is madness! I knew one person in the pub would understand as she knew so I cornered her and asked for help... her response ‘go to the toilet a lot and flush it bit by bit’ oh she’s a clever bunny isn’t she! So I eld the straw to my mouth with my now half empty drink and chatted away as usual. Hoff’s mum was there with us and I could see the concern of the bottle in hand on her face, this was worrying me. She was surrounded by people so it was hard to go over and explain my toilet actions. I jumped at the chance as soon as she was alone as I didn’t want her thinking I was damaging her first grandchild. She laughed luckily and I’m pretty sure she got what was going on after that. Luckily we weren’t there long as we had to go and play Santa and get a very excited little boy to bed.
I got away with it... this time! Just New Years Eve to go and I knew this would be the hardest public hurdle of them all.... but it would be the last!... Thank God for that!!
25th December: Christmas Day Emotions run high
I was an emotional wreck this morning. Watching Kyd open all his presents set me thinking that next year there might well be 2 stockings laid out for Santa.... but what if there’s not kept going through my head and then that made me get all emotional... So whilst cooking my very first Christmas Dinner I began to cry. I want this baby so much. I want to be a mummy again and do it all properly this time. I feel like I’m cracking up at the moment and I’m pretty sure it’s mainly hormone based but I wish it would stop distracting me from what really matters... staying healthy and strong for the people around me... as after I stopped crying and pulled myself together I started getting another migraine... and just as I was putting the bird in the oven, not what I needed really. I had to cook Christmas Dinner in the dark whilst I waited for the tablets to kick in, as I was blinded by the lights... To be honest though I did a good job in the dark so move over Delia!!
After all that we had a good, a bit quiet but good, Christmas.... I didn’t even miss the Alcohol... I’ve changed, I don’t even recognise myself!
26th December: Boxing Day with the family
I have a bloody big family, so big in fact that I hardly ever sit in a room with all, if not most, together so days like Boxing Day are the perfect opportunity to see them all... except we didn’t think we were going to until after meeting my 2 uncles at the football they told us they’d sprung a get together on one of my aunts and so we were to meet at hers at 7.30/8pm. I had discussed with Hoff about how I was going to tell them all if things went wrong and how difficult it would be if I had to spring it on them all... soooo I made the decision to break the news, In fact that’s wrong... we told the 2 uncles and then asked them to tell the others so that I didn’t have to say it all out loud as I don’t make much sense when I cry. I really wanted them to know and I wasn’t sure how they’d take the news. Last time they found out I was pregnant I was 16 and it was a huge secret let slip by a worried cousin and however supportive they were I know they were disappointed. It was like I wanted to do this one properly but I was too unsure of the risks of telling them and the risks of the pregnancy in general... They all understood and as they bit by bit found out I could relax with my glass of fake wine (shleur) and not face any more questions. I don’t want to have to talk about it if it all goes wrong and they know this now so I think they’ll all stand by me and respect my decisions... it’s a massive relief to see smiling faces about it all but a bigger one to know I can turn to them if I need to in the coming weeks... *a great big relaxing sigh*